I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
