MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
