He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
