Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
