hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
