Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
