im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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