He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
