We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
