dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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