it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
