lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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