1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
