You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
