if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
