That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
