I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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