four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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