You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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