Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just invented taco cereal.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
