Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
