I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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