I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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