So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
