I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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