after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
