Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
