are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
