you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
even my farts smell like vagina
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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