I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
