I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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