Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
