I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How does one acquire holy water?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
