I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
