Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
