The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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