I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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