i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
