My hand turned me down
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
