I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
