he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
