i need an iv and a liver transplant
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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