I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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