i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
