apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
