RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
