How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
