Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
