So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
