this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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