he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
